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It Was 1600 Words: You Can Have 300

I value the people who give back.  It’s not as much a tit for tat as a, “Wow, look at that!!”  It’s easier to find the best in me, when I see it in others.

When my friends tell me to take it easy, that anybody can work themselves to death.  The generous few in my life who consistently are willing to put up with my cycles of idealism and dreaming, without stomping me into the dirt with judgements.  Their questions are oblique.  They don’t tear at me like a prideful cleaver.  They sit back and ask me something of honor….and let it steep in their love.

These are the people who act like my dog, or a kid.  When all the hope in my world has gone into the engine of a nasty train of thought, and I look at the memory of them, and see only calm acceptance, or a well-meaning question.  They are the reason suicide is never a viable option for me.  They are the knot at the end of my ropes of disappointment.  They burn the doubts in myself, with faith that what is inside of me, is worth their attention.  These are the people I live to serve.

Maybe I should let go of wishing they were in my age group.  I guess that’s one of the main reasons I love blogging.  I don’t know how old you are, and I don’t really care, but it gives me a chance to cultivate and share the sentiments I value most, from the wisdom of those people. I am thankful for my family, my friends, my honorable customers, and my readers here.  For the several who make the difference by reading and encouraging me consistently, and the many who just stop by to see which way the wind is blowing.

It Will Always Be Worth More Than Gold

With a dot in the middle, you see the eye of the sun.

Our moon makes a trail around the earth, and our day turns to-night as a reflection of it, in a spin.

As the cycle of life men have an arrow, while women have a plus.

It represents humanity, but we chant to other symbols.

When slipped over our fingers it shows marriage, vanity, pride, a promise of loyalty, or wealth.

In the middle point between profit and debt, it means sharing, a gift, or getting something for free.

Ancient stories portray it as the forecast of immaculate sex, and it celebrates the magic of creativity.

A wild celebration of animal nature wears only paint, and babies are still made by a conquered spirituality.

Pull on one side of it, and you get an egg, a tear drop, a seed, and half of the yin yang.

Put two droplets together, and you get a heart as two eyes held together, in a stare of hate, or love.

The foundation of a medicine wheel, it speaks of compassion in a mandala, with arms outstretched in rays.

To protect the feeling it gives people, it prevents, starts, and finishes war in the silence of peace.

Is it the flag of the future in the shadow swing of the sundial, and the rotation of a clock?

Math and science have stripped it down, to mean the coldest temperature we believe exists, or nothing.

I hope to put it on your face forever, in the wonderment of a number that breeds a smile.

Life on this planet means everything to me, so happy Ishtar, and happy Easter.

 

 

 

The Party and Me: A Thousand Miles Away

Will you see me in the lick of flames, in the center of the mandala of brick? I wonder if you’ll burn one of the Christmas tree’s I gathered, in celebration of my love for the return of the sun? Will the short burst of flame into the sky pass as me? Will you hook up a blower to the vents, and drink to me in the make of a white hot flame?

Who is there to mow, sweep, mop, and lay the table settings? Is there enough ice in the coolers? I wonder if that person will be there at the end of the flames, to poke and prod the coals to black. I hope the chairs get moved back in honor of me missing it, and the shovel comes out, to throw a cloud of the party’s finish into the sky.

I wonder if you choose to see me in the arch of the arbor, and the path of rocks laid down? Do you look at the sprinklers popping up, and visualize a fountain that is me, in the rainbow curtain of water flying out? I have left my art behind to represent me, and I hope it’s good enough.

The celebration is for a man. He taught me to dig, to plant, to break, to fix, and to make. He taught me how to love to sweat for free with bleeding hands. It seems fitting that I’m not there. The infrastructure left behind in the wake of my makes, is his to own and relish. Its a party I’m missing, because as I write this, my tears are billowing on the edge of my lids.

I can’t contain my gratitude for him, in a smile. I think of him when my gloves go on, because he would grunt at me impatiently, and use bare hands in muck to get it done. When my back hurts from lifting rocks, and the truck sways while braking from a load that overflows, I blame his style in me.

When I’m wearing clothes that are torn and sullied with things I had forgotten were there, he comes out in the eyes of other people judging me, and I grimace in the stench of it. When the sound of my truck makes people stare, I know I’m learning his lessons again.

If my knuckles are bleeding, and my hands become one with the tool in a cramp, I pound harder with satisfaction that my body is giving out, because he taught me how. You can’t buy what he is in a store, as work into play isn’t for sale. A good friend of mine said, “It’s better to wear out than to rust out”, and he is wearing out.

He’ll read this and know that his party is a thousand miles long, in me. As the stars shine into the light of day tomorrow, I’ll be watching over the people without homes in a church, so they can sleep in a dream come true. Shine on.

Blogging For Tears

There’s medicine in the sadness, it shines from the curl of tears on cheeks, and the crust of too many that build up.

I miss the peal of her laughter into the night, her body out the window of the car, as she screamed into the sky with the pleasure of knowing it would end soon. She’s gone now along with my hope to be with her forever. The x on the calendar came and went, in blood stains on a tub, and an email of thanks to me.

He brought me happiness in his angers. It shined with passionate release, and the things in his path were music. He made it with fury in a mesmerizing pound of rhythm, from his spirit. The altar I made for him is gone now, somebody stripped it down to burn. White lightning in the alley.

I think about him at times. He’s like me, a kid with too much feeling. He can’t shut it off. He’s curious and misses his father who died the same way. He will never be domesticated, he’s got the itch of too much mountain air for that. I hope his survival becomes more joy than pain.

What a man! He made me feel like a mountain of a worker as a kid. I never doubted the danger of our friendship, I relished in the deliciousness of somebody who cared to be good, and had the courage to be wilder. I wasn’t surprised when he left the earth, just wistful. I miss his laughter, his admiration for my spirit, and the feeling it gave me to return it.

My adoration for these people will get me in the end. I caught the fever of the road, the pitch of the boat, and the trail of happiness, in not fitting in long ago. They have pain you can taste, that builds into the burst of their lives.

Their stories are bizarre and comforting, in the extremes I know as truth. I find it in their lack of ability to conform, and the glee they hold onto so fiercely. If I doubt them, I begin to anticipate the whisper of a knife. They look me in the eye with danger, and thank me for the honor and respect that was shown, and then dance into the night.

When they grace me with a tear, I can see it bled from their soul. Their look of surprise turning into recognition, becomes our friendship. After that our union becomes palpable, and I beg them to edit their words for me. I hold onto the moment with them, as it consumes me with purpose, and I’m thankful for the secrets I won’t know.

What shines through the filter of my desire to not be a witness at their trial, are things like, “I don’t know what intimacy is.”, or “My father is in prison, and my husband was chopped into pieces in the alley.” What do you do with that? Hold your judgements for the actions, not the results of past actions. People are not what they did yesterday. They have a moment in time to share, and its gone.

The art I love most comes from people who have the courage to preserve a chance, to witness these tragedies. They aren’t stuck on a vanity streak. They look to the outside of a person, and see the trail of pain painted on their social status, and embrace the inside of that person with a question to themselves. The cost is compassion. The reward is love, and a conscience that can sleep, in a bed of art.

My friends in low places tend to die faster, but they also know how to live. If you ever get the chance to sit on a curb with somebody and hear them out, they might lie or steal from you until you learn how to do it right, but you know what? You’ll get to enjoy tears that aren’t your own, and those tears are some of the best medicine.

People on the street look out for each other. Be one. A person on the street. Humanity is the transcendence of animal nature. That to me is taking the “fight or flight” urge, and turning it into the mercy of patient kindness. If you look out for the people on the street, they remember.

Are you curious about what goes down in your neighborhood? The best neighborhood watch is done by the guy in front of the store asking for change. If he’s there every day, it may be that he’s allowed to be there, because he is actually a priceless member of your community. Give him a cigarette and listen to his story, as the next time you see him, he may just smile.

An update to this post on the following morning:

Some people choose to wear rose colored glasses, but the dust of the world builds up, and their view becomes dim. I admire the way that Dennis uses his blog to reach out and clean the lenses of them with his efforts, as a radio of the street. His latest post inspired the flow of my thoughts for this article, and following up my last post of “Blogging Makes Laughter” with this one is fitting, as the joy in embracing the less fortunate, can be seen in between the lines of his stories.

Blogging Makes Laughter

Releasing my thoughts and feelings in a free flow in the hope of making the world a better place, and finding encouragement as I do, is rewarding me with laughter.  Wouldn’t it be great if we had an economy based on laughter?  What if the goal of making money was to laugh?  The ones who laughed the hardest could be the richest, and you know what I think?  I think they’d probably share the money to promote somebody else laughing.  I pledge to you, that if you donate a dollar to my blog, I will find somebody with a need, and find a way to make them laugh with the dollar.  Heck.  I’d pay them a dollar for the laugh, and take a picture of them laughing for you to see what your investment did.  That seems accountable.  Whatever.  I’m gonna have to pay somebody for a laugh whether you give me money for my writing or not.  I’ll post the picture at some point….because work can be play with a little shift of imagination. 

Thanks TK and Marina for liking my post about character development.  I read back through it after you clicked there, and laughed.   I have to admit I did a little bit of good-natured trolling earlier, so I’m in a pretty good mood, and I did just finish a beer, but whatever.  Goodnight.  🙂   

Oops. I just got caught spreading smiles on Facebook with a like notification here. Thought I’d come back and add in this link for his SEO, because he liked my post, and has a harmonic reason for being here. 🙂

This article is starting to get out of hand, and I like losing control of my laughter, so I’m going to keep putting links for the people who encourage it with their attitudes of pleasure. Thanks for the chuckle Otrazhenie.

It was great to read this post from Brad after writing the last paragraph, because his article supported it in a way that didn’t bring me laughter, but made me want to ask; is blogging a symbiotic relationship? This post, his like, my link, and his article…with my like…. 🙂 After further review, I’m finding that he has a menu item dedicated to humor, so if you want a laugh, I’m sure you’ll find one free here.

Perfect timing Erik. I enjoy reading your smoky love poems and the presentation of your writing is top notch! I wish I had the talents to make the face of my blog as aesthetically pleasing as yours. Thanks for letting me know you were here and liked this post. My reference in the first paragraph to jolly trolling, was your article here, so it won’t hurt my feelings if you never take it out of moderation. It was interesting to read your “about” page while researching for this link placement, I hope your book series brings you happiness and prosperity, now I see why we enjoy each others craft. I found this link in your “just for fun” category, and it gave me a medicinal grin. 🙂