Running Rough

I see it as something that sets us apart from the animals.

The other day a baby bunny sprang from cover, and was mutilated by the momentum of my tool, so I smashed its head into the dirt with my boot.  The poor thing was thrashing around on the ground, and I knew I had it to do.

Why do they ask me to do it?  What is it about me, that makes them think it’s a reasonable request?  What does it mean to project a filthy task onto somebody else?  Why should I be responsible for remedying their observations of suffering?

This will potentially come up in my life again, and will I have the presence of mind, to tell them to grow a spine?

It makes me angry when I see somebody hit an animal with their car, and not go back to finish the job.  Newsflash folks!  If you almost kill something, it’s an opportunity to be a human being.  Don’t leave it up to the next guy coming along.

I’m sorry for this post bloggers.  I’ve had a rough week in my head, and the bunny incident brought up the feelings I get, when it shouldn’t have been my job, but I did it anyways.

Is this the root of my loneliness?  Do I seek to build a crew with people who don’t flinch at meeting the needs of a task?  Is the humble ditch just a symbol of perseverance?  Is this why I want to teach?

I’m exhausted by thoughts that loop.  Thinking for me just leads to justification, and justification leads to dishonesty.

You can justify anything.  But what is justice?  Justice is the preservation of a righteous principle.  The defense of honor, the weak, the less fortunate, and morals.  It is the passionate pursuit of a clean purpose, with an eye for what is best for everyone.  It is not a selfish attitude of “o poor me”, or “maybe he’ll do it for me”.

I’m disturbed by our cultural descent into the anarchy of apathy.  The patterns of judgement that rankle and steep into our very bones.  The way we destroy the world.  Our pattern of progress that progresses us towards our imminent demise.

Without dreams and idealism, I would commit suicide right now.  The thing I can fall back on is hope for a better day.  Something I can make, that will bring wonder into the world, from a skill that I share with a loved one.  I hope the vodka inspired me to properly under-share this for your collective well being, as reading your blog posts gave me serenity earlier.

Peace.  B




  1. I’m sorry about the rabbit. I don’t think I could do what you had to do, but you did the right thing. I remember being at my boyfriend’s brother’s house when we all saw a mouse outside. The poor thing was a wreck, running in circles, tripping, running into walls. His brother said he recognized this behavior as poisoning. Someone probably set poison in their house to get rid of the mice and this one had found it’s way outside. His brother then went inside to find a shovel and put the poor thing out of it’s misery. I couldn’t watch, though. I just felt too bad. If that mouse was a human, we would have called 911 and done all we could to save it. But it’s not human, so we just put it down. I wonder then, if that action is about being human or simply about having sympathy for a creature weaker than you are.


The pharmacy of your mind prescribing for my pleasure

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