Maintenance Man Union Draft #3

2099“Look lady, you’ve stolen the attention of one of my best friends, and because I can’t share as much of him, I thought I’d steal some attention from you with these flowers. Please consider it as a maintenance transfer, as I’m making a foray into your heart, in the hope that it will transfer over to his. Basically I’m beating around your bush with a secret ménage à trois, so I can pretend to not be jealous.”

That’s not quite what I wanted to say. Can you folks help me out with this one? How would this make you feel? Would it bring you laughter and make you want to kiss your man? The first one just said,”I’m sorry for your loss”, because I’d be in town stealing his attention and gave her sympathy flowers for it. Since he doesn’t call me back much, I have to work my angle carefully, because she’s pretty cool and I don’t want to change that.

The second one said, “These flowers are maintenance, so I don’t have to field his woes if you decide he’s not good enough. Give the flowers to his daughters if you’re having doubts. We’re maintenance men, and he isn’t maintaining me, because he’s maintaining you. I’m trying to help you lady, because he makes me feel gay and possessive too.”

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